Happy light

The SO and I decided that since my SAD and depressive episodes have been so bad this year, we should come up with a strategy to help me transition into the inevitable mania episodes. I did a lot of research on holistic approaches, and I was fascinated by the UV light method.

I've had the "happy light" for about 2 weeks, and I use it for a hour twice a day. It is really neat. For me, the worst part of the day is morning. There have been some mornings when I am virtually in tears trying to convince myself to leave the house. Well, when I feel the overwhelming anti-socialness, I immediately turn on the UV light. It has helped in some of my meltdowns so far. The light reflects almost a positive energy that I can feel seeping into my skin. I don't become happy, but I feel energized.

We'll see how it goes. I'm trying to think positively.

Holding on by a thread

This year has been a struggle. With the combination of school stress, social drama, and medication adjustments, everything has been one big shit show. Many times, I have considered dropping out of school. I question whether my major is even suited for me anymore. I am so insecure about my memory and speech issues, and it affects the quality of my schoolwork. At the same time, the withdrawal from the Benzos is not helping. Some days I feel great; however, other days, I struggle to get out of bed. I desperately want the tremors, insomnia, and muscle pain to go away. I want to feel confident again.

 

Your Bipolar Advice Needs Some Critiquing

Although I am sure that some come with good intentions, I am tired of hearing certain comments in regards to handling mental disorders. My experiences with bipolar disorder are not the same as another person's experiences with bipolar disorder. Advice and opinions are welcomed, but they are only welcomed to a certain extent.

"I don't understand why you are depressed or why you focus on negativity. You should push yourself out of whatever this is. You are in a better position and life than most of the world... so appreciate it."

"Medication is all in your head. I don't understand why you are poisoning your body and letting pharmaceutical companies take advantage of you."

"You don't know what hardship is really like. Mental Disorders are just an excuse for people to be lazy."

 

Recently, I spoke to a child who told me that he was not normal. When I asked him why, he said

"Everyone always talks about bipolar, paranoid, crazy and weird. I think they're talking about me because I'm crazy. I see a talking doctor and that makes a person crazy. No other kids in school see talking doctors."

This really saddens me. I told this child that he is not crazy and seeing a "talking doctor" is actually a healthy decision. You would think that with the progression of studies in the Psychology field, people would be more sensitive towards mental illness. Even a lot of the Psychology majors just make me shake my head. Throwing around words that label a person after a serious illness is a pretty ignorant thing to do. Whether a person believes in mental illness or not, they are legally considered serious medical conditions.

After a pretty long conversation, the child agreed that the other kids are just not as educated as him in the mental health subject. I also told him that there are a lot more people with mental illnesses than he thinks. It is just not something that a lot of people openly talk about.